Wednesday March 27, 2013
Today, March 27, Karen would have been 48 years old.
It has been 7 and a half months since Karen's passing. I still miss her
so very much. After 20 years of marriage - two thirds of my adult life -
I am without memories that do not include Karen. How does one converse
without mentioning a diseased spouse when that spouse occupied so much
of one's life. I find myself trying not to use her name when speaking of
past events. Then I wonder why I bother. This is very strange. In a way
I think I should stop using her name in order for me to finish the
recovery process. In another way, I don't want to stop using her name
because she filled me with joy and happiness. Who can ever forget that
smile, laugh, and witty humor.
I realized last fall that I will never forget Karen. She will never
leave my thoughts. We had such a wonderful marriage that there is no way
I can ever stop thinking of her.
I am struggling to look forward when so much of my past is now gone. My
wonderful wife, pets we loved, and activities we did together are all
gone. All I have are hollow memories. Karen is gone. Long time friends
are far away. Even friends of many years have terminated their
friendship. This is odd when you need your friends more now than ever.
Well, guess that says something about who they are.
So I sit here today struggling to look forward with my new bride. Yes I
have remarried to a wonderful loving lady. Carol and I got married on a
cruise ship on Tuesday February 26, 2013. I look forward to many happy
years together as I reconcile the past.
Happy birthday Karen. I will always think of you.