Some things never change.........
Lessons From Human History
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer or beer to the man. These were the foundation of modern civilization
and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2
distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning
of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to
be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue
at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known
as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing
the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest
became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives
provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals grew to be
symbolized
by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists
are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't
"fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
Conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals
remained
in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for
nothing.
Moral of today's lesson in world history in two parts:
1. Conservatives see possibilities and reach for more, while
Liberals
want more of what Conservatives have - for nothing. What would they do
with
it? They'd give it away to equally undeserving Liberal supporters, who
would find a way to squander it on equally as useless endeavors.
2. Conservatives build from the ground up; Liberals build on what
others
have done - usually in the wrong direction, forgetting or neglecting the
importance of the original foundation!
3. Lastly: It takes guts and a backbone to be a Conservative; any
average jellyfish could qualify as a Liberal.
