Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Today is our 20th wedding anniversary. Karen and I have a wonderful
life together. Given the circumstances, I would love to be able to jump
into a time machine and go back to that apartment in Kirkland, WA when
we started out our life in 1992. What a great life we had even though we
had no money. We just didnít realize how wonderful it was.
We are celebrating our anniversary with Karen still in a hospital bed,
on oxygen, etc. She has very few moments of comprehension. Most of the
time she speaks in gibberish. It is difficult to determine what she
needs and/or wants. She frequently moans, gasps, or grunts. What a way
to spend a 20th wedding anniversary.
I am holding it together because I have to. Yes I continue to eat right,
exercise, and not abuse substances. Sleep on the other hand is very
difficult. I go to bed around 8 pm and craw out of bed around 6 am. That
may seem like a lot of sleep, but the reality is I get up every couple
of hours to give Karen liquid morpheme. At various times throughout the
day and night I need to give Karen morpheme pills and anxiety
medication. In addition frequent checks on Karen to see if she needs
water or other forms of comforting. So in actuality Iím getting 5 to 6
hours of shallow interrupted sleep. Iíll take what I can get. It is
difficult to get deep sleep when I am hearing moans, gasps, and grunts
from my beloved wife. It is even harder to shut off the mind when you
are waiting for the last breath.
I try to work as much as I can to help distract my mind. But it is
difficult not to think about the end that is coming.
Happy 20th wedding anniversary to us.